


It's not Easy Being Healthy

by kerolst



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen, Kim Minseok | Xiumin-centric, OT12 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 15:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14083821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kerolst/pseuds/kerolst
Summary: It's not easy being healthy. It gets worse when you're an idol and needs to control what you eat, how much you exercise, sleep and masturbate. But it gets even worse when you live with other 11 people who doesn't think you are healthy enough.





	It's not Easy Being Healthy

**Author's Note:**

> I did this against my will. I was forced by the system! This is a result of morning chats on wpp group.  
> Some curses and bad words here and there. Masturbation insinuation.

**The _fap fap fap_ Saga:  
Twelve Boys, One Bathroom and The Need to be Healthy**

 

It's not easy being a healthy guy.

Double the trouble if you're an idol.

Twelve the trouble if you're an idol who lives with eleven other guys on the same small apartment.

Being healthy is essential for people like us, who are always surrounded by holophotes, crazy fans trying to get close, being filmed and flashed most part of the day, sleeping little and working much.

But, you know, sometimes it's hard to take care of your health. Controlling your eating, your sleeping, your ejaculations.

Yeah, your ejaculations.

In Korea people believe that ejaculation is serious business. The more you ejaculate, the healthier you are.

*

 

Mornings are usually chaos.

 

“ _Oh my god Chanyeol did you spread your children on my Hello Kitty towel again?!_ ”

Comes a scream from the other side of the apartment.

“ _Not my fault this time!_ ” another scream from another part of the apartment, probably one of the rooms. “ _I've promised not doing again._ ” Chanyeol answers as he wakes from his sweet –  _and probably wet_  – dreams and goes to the bathroom to wash his sleepy face.

“Fucking giant, there's cum all over my towel.” Luhan comments as he appears on the kitchen, Hello Kitty towel in hands. “How can someone come this much.”

“Please don't bring this to the kitchen.”

“Oh, I'm sorry hyung; I'll wash it before it gives birth to some giant Hello Kitty.”  
On his way to the laundry Luhan passes by tree suspicious giggling young boys.

The  _maknae_  line. Of course it was their fault.

“We're already at  _that time_  of the month?”

The boys seemed to be caught by surprise, stopping the secretive giggles and going for the fridge.

“'Morning hyung; didn't see you there.” said Zitao in his messy korean – _even messier in the morning_.

“Who won it last night?”

“Sehun. Five roles straight.” Jongin answered with disbelief in his voice as he searched for something edible “Fucking youth.”

“You're not that much older you know.”

With a shrug the boy went to his room with a mouth full of last night's pizza “He’s got last place.” Zitao clarified.

“What happened to the old target?”

“It was covered by dry cum; we couldn't say who was winning anymore.” said Sehun with some cold pizza in hands, putting it to heat on the microwave.

“And you really hadn't anything better than Luhan's Hello Kitty towel for your target?”

“That was the first thing we found, we were at a hurry.” Zitao says as he sits on the table with some cold milk to drink.

“How did you count the points?”

“Well,” Sehun started, putting the heated slice of pizza in a plate and siting by Zitao's side in the table “Head 10 points, ribbon 15 points, on the nose 30 points.”

“Wow, 30 on the nose? Isn't that too much?”

“Have you seen the size of that shit? That’s worth a lot.” Zitao answered so serious you'd forget the talk was about a cumming contest.

“Next time use something else please.”

“Ok hyung, we'll get some paper box and draw a Hello Kitty on it maybe.” said Sehun while going for his second slice of pizza.

“Isn't it a little disturbing to jerk off to a Hello Kitty?” Kyungsoo enters the kitchen with a sleepy face and messy hair.

“Says the guy who gets hard watching the Polishop channel.” Jongin comes back from his room to wash the plate he ate his pizza “Seriously, get hard for a centrifugal juicer?”

“You don't understand the pleasure of putting a hole fruit on the centrifugal don't worrying about the seed and no need to peel the fruit.” the smaller says while making his morning black coffee.

“Sorry I can't see pleasure on watching a fruit being dilacerated.” Jongin looks back as he finishes washing his dishes.

“You don't understand the pleasures the kitchen hides.” with a sip of his coffee Kyungsoo says calmly.

After a moment of silence there's a collective  _oh my good Kyungsoo on the kitchen, really? god please we eat here!_  from the youngest boys in the kitchen, getting up in a hurry and leaving their food behind.

“Are you serious or just wanted to get them out of here?”

“A little of both.” another calm sip of his coffee “I'd never use food, however.”

At this Yifan enters the room with a bad looking face and huge bags under his eyes. “Crazy little shits, running around the apartment this time in the morning.”

“Wow, what happened to your face?”

“I'm not feeling really well; think I've got the flue.” the tall boy answers with a sniff “I don't know if I can make it for tomorrow.” then he drops his face on the table with a loud thud.

“Don't be such a drama queen.”

“Have you taken any medicine?” Kyungsoo asks while drinking the last drop of his coffee “I have some if you need.”

“Thanks Kyungsoo, maybe I'll take some if it gets worse.” Yifan's answer comes muffled from his face still glued to the table.

“Have you eaten well lately?” the other leader appears, cap on head to hide his bed hair –  _actually we all know that it’s to hide the blond hair however_ – “Are you taking care of your health?”

“Of course I am! My immune system must be down.” this time Yifan’s voice comes clearly as he lifts his head from the wooden surface. “I think I’ll heat some milk, maybe it helps.”

“Have you masturbated lately?” Kyungsoo points as he gets up from his place on the table and goes for the sink, to wash his cup and what the  _maknaes_  left behind on their run.

“I don’t know? Since the comeback thing time is short, you know.” the tallest of them says with his brows shrugged, as if he was trying to remember the last time he got off. “Do you think that’s my problem?”

“Well, it could be. The bathroom seems to be free right now; if you’re fast you can make it before we go for our schedules.” Kyungsoo suggests as he finishes the dishes with a concerned look on his face.

“I don’t know.” Yifan rests his face on the table again. “I feel so tired I just want to stay here with my face on the cold wood.”

“Oh, come on, I’ll give you a hand.” Junmyeon lifts from his chair and grabs Yifan by his arm, trying to put the taller up. “The leaders have to help each other, right?”

“Are you sure?” the tall chinese boy rises from the table and makes the height difference between the leaders more evident. “I think I can do it myself.”

“Please, I can make it for a friend.” Junmyeon smiles to the other boy, as to show he’s doing it because he wants. “Later you can return the favor, how about it?”

“If it’s good for you.” Yifan seems to light up a little at this. “So let’s go before Chanyeol enters the bathroom and makes his mess.”

The leaders leave the kitchen side by side until they reach for the bathroom and close the door with a low thud. They don’t lock it.

“I should have taken a bath the moment I’ve got off the bed.”

“I don’t understand why you find it so disgusting.” Kyungsoo moves away from the sink, finishing his cleaning, cups and plates on its right places on the cupboard. “It’s just natural.”

“It’s too dirty, too icky. I prefer to keep healthy in other ways.”

“Bullshit, I bet you masturbate as much as the others.” the younger says playfully with a suggestive look.

“ _No I don’t!_ ”

“Wow, no need to get all tomato red.” Kyungsoo laughs as he leaves the kitchen.

“Was Kyungsoo teasing you again, hyung?” Yixing enters the kitchen and sits on his usual place on the table. “What are you doing?”

“Yeah, just a little. I’m just killing time, waiting for everybody to wake up and get ready.”

“I see. Don’t let him bother you.” Yixing, always a soothing company. “It’s normal being shy about this topic.”

“I’m not shy about it! It’s just that I don’t see how masturbating makes people healthier.”

“Well, if you tried maybe you’d know.” Luhan joins the kitchen, this time without his Hello Kitty towel. “I can give you a hand if you want; maybe you’re doing it wrong.”

“No, thank you. Last time you ruined my new sheets.”

“Come on hyung, you have to get over that.” the chinese grumbles with his head inside the fridge. “Have you eaten all the pizza?”

“ _Maknae_  line.”

“Fuck those shitheads.” Luhan gives up trying to find food on the refrigerator and goes for the counter where he finds some cookies.

“What are the leaders doing on the bathroom by the way?” with a lost expression Yixing asks, not totally awake yet. “They were making some weird noises, I don’t know.”

“That was probably Yifan’s coming noises.” Luhan says with some weird expression on his face, like he’s trying to stop his laugh. “He does this growling kind of noise, it’s really strange.”

“Not more strange than the faces Junmyeon makes as he comes.” Yixing comments casually, taking his time to fully wake up. “Have you seen it already?”  
 “It’s pretty similar to the face he does while crying isn’t it?”

“Yep.” Yixing confirms as if he’s seen it a lot of times –  _and he probably did_. “That time I was worried he must have come on stage in front of cameras. But he was just crying.”

“Don’t say it to him, though. He’ll get hurt.”

“The leaders are so strange.” Luhan says with a disgusted face. “Why can’t they just come as normal people?”

“Says the guy who farts after he climaxes.”

“ _Oh my god hyung that was one time!_ ” Luhan screams as the fun on his face is replaced by pure horror and he drops some cookies over the table.

“He heh, one time.” Yixing, still a little out of himself, laughs from the side. “One time per come right.”

The look on Luhan’s face should be pictured for posterity; to proof an asian could open his eyes that much. He drops his body on the closest chair and remains there in silence, eating cookies with a lifeless expression.

“I think you went too far this time.”

“Just sayin' what I’ve seen.” Yixing shrugs, rising from the table to catch something to drink from the fridge.

There’s a blessed moment of silence. Something rare on an apartment with twelve young men living together. From morning to night, there’s always someone screaming, something breaking, a door slamming shut, a moan here and there.

But not now, now there’s only Luhan’s munching little sounds and Yixing’s humming calm serenade. It was a moment to be enjoyed.

Indeed, moments of peace were as short as rare, so it ended with the sound of some high notes coming from one of the rooms. They all knew from which room.

“If just Baekhyun could reach those notes on stage.” Luhan speaks with his still stoned face, taking the last cookie to his mouth with a long sigh.

“We can’t make him come on stage, you know.”

“I know, that’s why it’s so sad.” Luhan drops his gaze to the table, looking kinda sad and concerned.

“Really, I don’t know what’s worse,” Junmyeon enters the kitchen wiping his hands on his pajama shirt. “The  _maknae_  line and their cumshot contest or beagle line with their vocal practice while masturbating.”

“I think it’s an interesting use of their dicks, you know.” Luhan breaks from his self-pity drama. “Mostly beagle line, though.”

“He’s right, Jongdae improved a lot since we came back to Korea and they started that.” Yixing says with a serious expression, his browns almost touching on above his eyes. “I just don’t get why it doesn’t work with Baekhyun, he still have problems with his high notes on stage.”

“Actually, Chanyeol’s raps have gotten faster too.”

“Can he really masturbate as fast as he raps?” Luhan questions silently with puzzled eyes. They really took this too serious. “I don’t remember him having tendonitis?”

“It’s because he doesn’t.” says Junmyeon, leaning on the sink munching something he found on the refrigerator. “Not yet at least.”

“If they keep with this rate he’ll lose his hand and we’ll lose the two vocals.”

“Oh please hyung, I think maybe they are the healthier amongst us because of this.” the leader snaps back. “Maybe that’s why they’re so energetic all the time.”

“Or maybe that’s just why we spent so much money on new sheets every month.”

“Why are you so skeptical about it?” Jongdae appears on the kitchen to join them, his face still a little red from the ‘vocal practice’ thing. “You should masturbate more.”

“We told him already, he doesn’t take us seriously.” Luhan responds with a shrug.

“We’re not having this conversation again.”

“'Morning guys.” says Baekhyun and Chanyeol in unison as they enter the kitchen. “Talking about Minseok hyung masturbation problems again?”

“I have no such a thing as masturbation problems!”

“Yes you sure have.” Yifan retorts. “I can’t remember you getting off in a long time.”

“That is not a problem. It’s a choice.”

“Why would someone choose to not masturbate?” Sehun asks incredulous as he joins the group on the kitchen, followed by Jongin and Kyungsoo. “It’s like choosing not to eat dinner.”

“Yep, not healthy.” Jongin completes.

“Ok, let’s change the subject please.”

“Hyung we’re just concerned about your health.” Zitao is the last to join the kitchen, now the group is complete. As much as the chaos.

“Why don’t you bother Yixing with this? He doesn’t ejaculate too.”

“It’s different.” Zitao started. “He does that tantric thing.”

“He ejaculates from time to time.” Comes from Jongdae. “He just masturbates more than ejaculates I think?”

“Well, I ejaculate from time to time too.”

“No.” Kyungsoo interrupts. “You ejaculate when we force you do to so.”

“I still can’t see the difference.”

“You don’t even touch your dick!” Chanyeol says aloud from his spot on some corner of the kitchen. Mouth full of something he found to eat on the almost empty counter. “How can you be healthy like that?”

“He can’t, look at his face!” Baekhyun answers the question not directed to him. “It’s almost all bones again, I can’t see health here, can you?”

There’s a mutual  _no_  in response.

“Ok, I’ll do it when we get back from our schedules.”

“No. You’ll do it right now.” Junmyeon urges as he gets close. “You can’t make another day like this, come on.”

“That’s right, let’s go now Minseok.” Yifan joins him. Maybe he thinks he’s doing his job as a leader like that. “We’re going for the bathroom.”

“ _Oh shit put me down!_ ”

*

 

“I can’t believe I’m going through it.”

It looks like some bad joke. Maybe some drunken friends’ after party story. But no, it’s real. I was just dragged from the kitchen to the bathroom by my own roommates – more than that, my bandmates my  _brothers_  – and forced to masturbate.

“I must have done something horrible in another life and I’m paying for it now.”

They wanted to stay with me on the bathroom, to make sure I was going to ‘ _do the job_ ’ as they said. Somehow I’ve managed to convince them I couldn’t make it with an audience so they let me alone here.

Better finish it before they brake in and do it for me. They’ve done it once and no doubt they’d do it twice.

“At least we still have wet wipes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originaly posted at https://exophobia.livejournal.com and https://www.spiritfanfiction.com/perfil/0kakah


End file.
